


Talkshow Showdown

by Lufarea



Category: RWBY
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 09:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15191822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lufarea/pseuds/Lufarea
Summary: Two aspiring actors meet while pretending to be white trash on a talkshow





	Talkshow Showdown

**Author's Note:**

> I started this like four months ago and then put it on Hiatus  
> I'm pretty sure it didn't end up how I originally intended it, but oh well.

The directing assistant rushed out of the studio door and into the main lobby, casting about frantically, clipboard in hand and strands of hair starting to escape her tight bun. Her eyes landed on the line of fledgling actresses lined up outside another studio door waiting to be called in for Auditions.  
Her eyes lit up as they fell upon a buxom blond about halfway down the line, twirling a lock of her hair and reading over a script. Dressed in daisy dukes, a low cut shirt, a simple silver cross on a chain, an open brown leather duster, bright orange knee socks and brown boots, she would be perfect, minus the jacket of course.  
Crossing the lobby quickly with a sharp clicking of heels on tile the Assistant, easily drew Yang’s attention form the lackluster script she was perusing.  
“Yes?”  
“I need you to come pretend to be angry, white trash, trying to,”  
The woman make quotation marks with her fingers as she said  
“Workout your problems”  
Before rolling her eyes and glancing at her clipboard  
“With your, drug addicted, baby daddy.”  
Yang’s eyebrows disappeared under her bangs as her surprise expressed itself on her face. She blinked once, and then pushed away from the wall she was leaning against. She removed her jacket revealing the colorful gold and red dragon tattoo wrapped around her left arm, and adjusted her Bra and tank top so that the lacy edges were now visible along with an even more ample view of her cleavage. Yang gave her best winning smile.  
“Sure, I can do that.”  
Her smile was met with one in return, from the somewhat more relieved woman with the clipboard.  
It wasn’t the gig she was expecting but, hey it also sounded a whole lot more fun than a coffee commercial. The thing didn’t even have any puns.  
“What’s your name?”  
“Yang Xiao Long”  
“Alright, just go through that door over there and they will direct you to where we need you.”  
The woman gestured toward the door she had come out of and scribbled something on her clipboard as Yang made her way into the studio indicated.

Crazy girlfriend found, she now cast about the lobby for another pool to pull from and found one, a bit nicer dressed then she would have wanted but he had a tough guy look about him. Now approaching Mercury, she had to clear her throat to get his attention. He looked up at her and she felt she was at least right on her assessment of his personality, with the icy glare he gave her.  
“I’m looking for a fill in. I need someone to play a douche bag, white trash, boyfriend attempting to patch things up with his cheating girlfriend.”  
He looked wistfully back at the script in his hand and for a few moments debated in his head what he should do. On the one hand it sounded like he would get to adlib being a complete asshole on some fake ass reality show, on the other, a chicken nugget commercial.  
He huffed and stood, tossing down his script.  
“Fine.”  
“Would you, uh, mind looking a little less, put together?”  
Mercury rolled his eyes at that and pulled off his button down shirt so that he was just wearing the tank top beneath.  
“I am a professional, don’t worry about it.”  
He tossed his now extra shirt at the woman, who fumbled to catch it. Loosening his belt he sagged his pants so that a good quantity of boxer could be seen between the hem of his tank top and the waistband of his pants. A quick ruffle of his hair made it appropriately less styled, and he put on his best scowl.  
“You can make my check out to Mercury Black.”  
The woman nodded, and jotted down the name before guiding him to the studio, feeling slightly uneasy as he slouched along behind her.

The frantic studio breathed a sigh of relief as the two replacements were found. They had no time to vet them much farther then what the Assistant director had already told them, and Mercury and Yang were left practicing their best scowls behind their respective doors as the rest of the crew rushed about getting ready to start the show.  
The lights adjusted, music cued the beginning of the segment and the talk show host began speaking, introducing his guest for the night, as a trouble couple hoping to work out their issues so that their two year old daughter could have both of her parents in her life.  
Finally the cue for Yang,  
“Krista Evert”  
Yang entered onto the stage all smiles and waves, and played the crowded well. Answering the questions from the host pleasantly, and weaving together a heartwarming story about the romance there use to be in their relationship, the sweet little girl they had together, and ending in a tear jerking tale of how her boyfriend had started drinking heavily, coming home late at night, and had become prone to violent outburst. Yet talking about how she still remembered the man he could be and wanted that back, for at the very least the sake of their little girl.  
“And now you haven’t seen him since he walked out two months ago but, tonight we also have here with us Todd Rickson”  
Mercury too his cue and swaggered out onto the stage.  
Yang jumped to her feet visibly enraged by his arrival.  
“You Dead beat, two timing scumbag! I told you what I’d do if I ever saw your face again!”  
She shrieked at him and grabbed the first thing to hand throwing it at him.  
Very much startled by the projectile, Mercury reflexively caught the decorative pillow, and had to take heat beat to regain his barings.  
When he did so, he threw the pillow to the ground, puffed up his chest, and in a brilliant display of male posturing bellowed at the irate blond.  
“You starting this Shit right off you crazy slut? I just walked in to the damn room, and you’re firing off our insane threats and throwing shit at me?”  
He turned to the Host jabbing a finger at his the enraged woman.  
“You see this? This fucking bull, she starts? Acting like I’m the bad guy, when I’ve just been dealin with this crazy hoe this whole time!”  
The host had gotten to his feet, and in a very calm manner, tried to sooth the situation.  
“Now, now, both of you are here because you wanted to work out the tension between the two of you. Let’s try to be calm and reasonable about this. Krista please sit down, Todd if you would sit too on the other side here.”  
They both allowed themselves to be placated and sat down. Tension visible in the stiff movements and glare on Mercury’s face, and in the cross arms and tapping foot of Yang.  
It was now time for ‘Todd’ to share his side of events and his view on the story. With harsh accusations of how his girlfriend could hardly know how late he got home since she was busy out partying and sleeping her way through his friends.  
The actual amount of real conversation was limited however, with just enough questions from the host being answered to paint a picture of the truly dysfunctional couple that audiences loved, squeezed between threats and explicit insults.  
It only got worse from there the both of them seeming bound to outdo the other in vileness, until eventually the two were dragged off the stage by the security guards, spitting insults and cursing to the high heavens, and using the most wildly creative name calling that had probably ever been heard on the stage they were being removed from. Once out of sight from the audience, they both stopped fighting much to the relief of the security, who had very much been taken aback by the fight the two actors had put up.  
Yang was the first one to dissolve into a fit of laughter, as Mercury smirked in his amusement.  
“Did you just call me a Mumpsimus? What the hell does that even mean.”  
Wiping tears of mirth from her eyes she found support against a nearby chair.  
“Something to do with being a priest that won’t admit he’s wrong even when proven so? What’s a pillock?”  
Mercury gestures at crotch and then makes a thrusting motion with his hips. Yang dissolves once more into laughter.  
“Last one, Hobbledehoy?”  
Yang shook her head and shrugged,  
“I don’t even remember anymore, it was something we use to call each other in middle school.” So in interest of learning a new insult Mercury pulled out his Phone and attempted to look it up. He raised an eyebrow at his phone then put it away. The talk show host had come to the back now and was looking at the two of them, somewhat ruffled himself.  
“Okay, um good show, but let's try to tone it back down some, we want this to ideally end on civil grounds.”  
Both of them gave signs of consent, Mercury repositioning his pants to keep them from falling completely off him in their sagged state.  
The commercial break ended  
They walked back out on stage much more solemnly then they had left it, and sat down next to each other. Their hands touched and Yang looked up at Mercury, and tears began to build in her lilac eyes.  
On did not live in a household with an single dad, without learning the benefits of being able to cry on command after all. She let the tears fall down her cheeks as she buried her face against his chest, the talk show host asked if they had gotten all that anger out, if they were finally able to talk through the problem. They both agreed, Mercury’s voice seeming closed to cracking as if under some heavy emotion.  
The last bit was filled with some drivel about what their actual insecurities were, mostly amounting to Krista not believing herself pretty enough, and Todd being afraid of letting his family down and promises to be more open with each other and communicate more.  
The farce wrapped up, and the two eventually found themselves, back in their regular attire backstage.  
“So, Coffee?”  
Yang blinked in surprise and glanced over at the silver haired man.  
“What? Does pretending to be a dysfunctional couple make you desperately aware of how truly alone in life you are?”  
Without missing a beat he responded,  
“No, but a good fight always does turn me on.”  
Yang snorted and couldn’t help but find something oddly charming in his cock sure smirk.  
“You know what? Sure, we promised Eliza we were going to be a good mommy and daddy right?”  
“Exactly, For, what’s her name, who may or may not actually be mine.”  
“She is sooooo yours”  
“Prove it.”  
“That's what the DNA test was for.”  
“Meh, unreliable. Not applicable in court.”  
“Your a Pillock.”

**Author's Note:**

> There were a lot of missed opportunities here, mostly because I had lost my train of thought on the back and forth between them that was suppose to be them in the process of trying to keep up with the other as they both just added random awful character traits to the character the other person was playing through their insults and question answers.  
> Needless to say a much more ambitious project then I was able to turn it into.  
> I mostly just wanted to at this point be able to say I finished it and posted it.  
> Sorry TT.TT


End file.
